May is moving out...

Well, tomorrow is the first day of June and I cannot believe that I haven't posted in such a long time. I don't think that I have been particularly busy, in fact my whining in the last posting shows that professionally I have not been busy, but time has certainly gotten away from me.

Lets see, well with Weight Watchers I have managed to lose 10 pounds in two months - yeah me, but I was hoping that it would go a lot quicker. Don't get me wrong, I know that it took longer than a few months to put weight on and I do realize that it will take me a long time to get it all off. Yet, I have so much more than ten pounds to lose, I mean, that doesn't even make a dent in my goal weight, so I was kind of hoping for a steady weight drop, not this plateau thing. I weigh in one week and lose like three pounds, then the next week I gain half of it back. I have been pretty good about sticking to the program and moving my butt in exercise too. I haven't lost the faith and I will keep on the program, but it's a little disconcerting. I am having a blast on the weight watchers website, meeting a lot of new people. It's fun.

Now the kids are going crazy because summer is like HERE! They want to be out of school and spending all day long at the pool, basking in the sunshine, but there is two weeks left of school - thank goodness I am not a teacher. Charlotte has found a way to get out, she got suspended for skipping class. She skipped her last hour of the day five times in a row. Why? Because she didn't have her homework done. Did it occur to her to do it? No, this skipping thing was so much easier! And what about the school? Why in the world did it take them so long to figure out that Charlotte was not where she is supposed to be? That question has not been answered to my satisfaction, but she is suspended nonetheless.

My laptop and PDA were stolen from my backseat, whilst parked in the driveway. What a royal pain in the butt. All of my contact information is gone - so please be patient with me while I rebuild my address and phone number file.

So with all of this non busy-ness, I still have not gotten a start on rebuilding post flood. Half my foyer floor and sub floor is gone, the foyer bathroom no longer exists and the basement is toast. The insurance will cover all of this thank goodness, but in the meantime we have to live in the mess. This wouldn't be so bad, but JJ has invited all of his colleagues for a bbq on Thursday, because I am the hostess with the mostess- right? At least I will know that the food I eat will be in WW plan. Who cares what they think about the house anyway, they are here for the company, not for the look of the house.

It's all good.

Am I blue?

A deep blue funk has enveloped me and I cannot seem to shake it. I am undescribably cranky towards one of my colleagues and he is not truly responsible for the reason that I am upset. I have almost no patience with my children, and they are just being children, but my reaction seems a little over the top - although not necessarily out of character for me. My husband is way overloaded with things in his professional life, yet still tries to take care of as much as possible at home, yet I feel that I am the one handling all of the children's logistics. So what is wrong with me? No, it is not my cycle time and I don't feel like I am in a particularly stressful time at work. So what can it be?

I know that at work I am angry because my colleague is getting all of the new programs and he is way busy. I, on the other hand am pretty free, because my last project is going into production next month, yet I have not been given anything new in what feels like forever. I realize that this is a management error, and not my poor co-worker, but it makes me so angry that I cannot seem to think rationally and all of my bitchiness comes out at him. The funny thing is, he knows that I am upset, he can tell and has chosen to stay out of my way, as much as possible, but he has no idea why I am upset. I realize I say that he is blameless, and that is true, but he is no innocent either and totally knows how I am feeling about this lack of direction, because I have told him. His response was to tell me that he is too busy to attend a trade show that we have to be present at - leaving me with the full two day responsability - which was totally the straw that broke this camels back.

Am I pissed off in the other areas of my life because work is stressing me out? I just don't know. I have been sitting in this office for the better part of the day because I know that I should be here, but I haven't found anything useful or constructive to do all day. I wish JJ would give me some busy work from his company, because then at least I could sit at my computer and do something, instead of waiting for the minutes to tick by.

So I am angry and bitchy and have no real solution for my problem. I guess that I should just shut up and get on with things.

I am the adult - right?

My mother gave me a book for Mother's Day. I realize that the appropriate thing would be for me to give my mother something memorable and beautiful, but I am so overwhelmed at the moment, the best that I could do was dinner. Fortunately for me, dinner seemed to be just the ticket my mother was looking for, so we were all happy.

The book however, has confirmed what I have been telling myself and working on for quite sometime. It is a book written about the relationship between a mother and her tween daughter. Now we know that Charlotte is no longer truly a tween, and that Helene isn't quite there yet, but since there are no clear cut lines on tween beginning and ending, they both qualify at opposite ends of the spectrum. What does this book say? Basically, it says what most of us already realize. Raising children is hard but worth it. Most kids are not outrageously bad or good, although often outrageous. That adolescent females get a bad wrap because the media has decided that they are hormone ridden and that there can be nothing gained by a relationship with a young women. And ofcourse, it says, often, the one thing that seems to be so hard for me to implement. That we, as parents, are the adults. Running at the mouth (my personal specialty) is not allowed. It is so hard for me to keep my very sarcastic and always appropriate, but devastatingly brutal comments, to myself.

OK, I know. I need to let them learn about things and not cram it down there throat. I just want to know when they are going to start caring about our feelings a little bit- does that sound childish and immature or what? I know, kids aren't supposed to have to worry about how things affect us, we are supposed to manage on our own and be very happy about whatever they are able to share with us. We are supposed to glean the joy whenever possible. But can they at least comprehend that we aren't really thrilled about the prospect of summer school either and if they would just get their head out of their _ _ _ for a moment, maybe they could see that too?

I am at a major loss to explain how honesty has become optional in our house. Now again, it is not lying about really important things, but goodness, if they are not telling the%2